I have been thinking of some of the techniques that I've come up with to help me identify when I'm heading for a bad day, and how I try and turn them back. They may or may not work for you, hopefully they'll give you food for thought.
· Remember the acronym HALT
o everything seems darker when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. When you are all four, it does take a conscious effort to keep the negative thoughts at bay.
· Negative self talk
o stamp on this as soon as you realise you're doing it. It helps no-one to continually call themselves names, or dwell on their negative qualities: and the reality is that most negative self talk is garbage, it's simply not true. We have all made mistakes, we have all done things we regret, but that doesn't mean that doing bad things is our natural state. Depression, or The Black Dog as Winston Churchill used to call his, is a liar and a thief, and it tries to convince you that one mistake is evidence of a lifelong course of conduct. It also conveniently disregards all the good things we've done. Whenever I catch myself indulging in negative self talk (and it is an indulgence, and one that you can't afford), I say to myself - and sometimes out loud when I'm alone - "NO I'M NOT! I'M A GOOD PERSON WHO TRIES HARD!"
o negative self-talk is insidious and spiteful and you deserve better. Stop it in its tracks each and every time you realise that you're doing it. Concentrate on the donut, not the hole.
· Illogical anger
o it is always a flag for me when I start getting pissed off for completely irrational reasons, like getting angry at inanimate objects. I sometimes amaze myself at the venom I can muster for an object which, in some dark recess of my noggin, appears to have manifested the ability to make cunning plans to deliberately piss me off. It's an indication of how ridiculous our logic can become when we find ourselves tempted to break things because they won't do what we want them to. I seem to find that this applies equally to complex machines like computers and dvd players as it does to hammers. Those damn hammers. I know they're doing it deliberately to piss me off and make me look bad. Who would have thought that wood and metal could be so devious.
· Denial of your good qualities
o I know I'm heading into a bad place when I start to think or say "I've never been anywhere or done anything"...yep, it is not unknown for me to look back on my half century and start beating myself up because I haven't achieved as much as Brad Pitt or the Dalai Lama...it takes little effort - none, really - to identify people who seem to have done more than we have...although, surprisingly, that black dog tries to block us from remembering the 80% of the world's population that cannot even dream of the wonderful and interesting things that we have been able to achieve...and we conveniently neglect to make the same connection regarding our relevant worth when the object of our envy falls spectacularly from grace.
o Churchill slipped heavily into depression in the 1950s. I once saw an interview with a friend of his who used to drop in and say howdy, and when he asked Churchill why he was so down, Churchill replied that he had wasted his life and had never achieved very much. When the friend reminded him that he had saved England from invasion and was instrumental in the Allied victory in WWII, Churchill replied "Anyone could have done that". When you find yourself denying, internally or aloud, that you are a good person, stand up and take action - it's the black dog whispering lies in your ear.
· Avoiding solutions
o there's a great dialogue in the book The Road Less Travelled between the author, Scott Peck, who was an Army psychiatrist, and a sergeant with a drinking problem that's damaging his career. In essence, Peck asks the sergeant why he drinks so much, even though it's getting him in trouble; the guy replies that there is nothing else to do in Okinawa, where he's stationed. Peck then lists one thing after another that the guy could do instead of drink, and every time the sergeant comes up with an excuse why they aren't doable, all of which are bogus. Recognise when you're doing this, and cut it off at the pass.
· Don't forget the physical. Mental, emotional and spiritual issues can be complex and longstanding, and can take quite some time to sort out. When it comes to putting yourself back in the driver's seat of your own life, the quickest and simplest way to regain a feeling of control is to do something physical. That can be as simple as making yourself a cup of tea or having a shower. Sometimes you have to eat the chocolate elephant one small mouthful at a time.
· Believe in a higher power. Whether you believe in the christian God, or mother nature or destiny or the spirits of your viking ancestors, it is always a comfort to believe that there is a metaphysical force at work in your life that has your best interests at heart. None of us - religious visions, near death experiences or watching City Of Angels on acid notwithstanding - can know for sure what is really going on behind the scenes while we are living this mortal life - that's just simply not how it works...when it comes down to it, the detail doesn't really matter. Something, or perhaps several somethings, is looking after us personally and is trying to help us get along. I no longer believe as I once did that Jesus is the one and only answer, no offence intended...but whatever name or form you want to give He/She/It/Them, I agree with Ralph Waldo Emerson - "For all that I have seen, I trust the Creator for all that I have not seen"...and churches can be really cool places to just sit and think things through, they often have a good, safe feeling to them. And they're usually cool inside on hot days. Maybe that's no co-incidence.
